i'm wondering

siapa tuhanmu?
siapa nabimu?

sudah betulkah pertanyaannya seperti itu?
tidakkah itu mengingatkanmu suatu waktu
di masa kecilmu saat melihat anak-anak lain
masuk ruangan diajari berdoa dan bernyanyi?

kau heran mengapa tak ditanya siapa nama ibu
dan ayah yang menelantarkanmu di jalan raya
padahal kau lebih merindukan keduanya
melebihi apapun melebihi siapapun

jangan-jangan semuanya bersekongkol
hendak menyiksamu dalam rasa perih
dengan merahasiakan silsilahmu?

siapa saudaramu?

kau menunjuk teman-temanmu
orang-orang melata itu
yang tawa paling riangnya adalah tangis
paling haru

banyak yang tertawa pada caramu menjawab
tetapi kau memang polos sekali
dan itulah kau, ikut tertawa pula

karena mereka memang senang
didustai—dan terutama mendustai

apa kitabmu?
ke mana kiblatmu?

kau tak perlu menjawabnya
ya, kau ingin tidur saja
tanpa diganggu mimpi buruk
tentang abjad dan arah

ketahuilah ada orang lain
bertanggungjawab
atas kepolosanmu
atas kebodohanmu
namun mereka tidak mau
memikirkanmu
sedang sibuk, kata mereka

maka berbaringlah saja
tak perlu repot menjawab
hingga kau dengar ada suara
yang sungguh-sungguh bertanya

mengapa kau diam?

waiting , waiting and keep waiting .

I'm waiting, still wondering if you really like me . As much as i like you .
I remember the day I first saw you , i was walking with some friends , As they saw you and said
"Look how pretty she is" .
I turned around , and you smiled at me with those cute lil' eyes of yours .
I don't understand what I feel for you .
You seem too perfect and inside me , i'm feeling sadness just thinking that you might be playing
with my heart .
But everytime you're near me , you heal the pain i feel you take away all my sorrows .
I just want you to know that i really do like you , and no matter how long it'll take for you to like back .
I'll be here waiting for you .

E.T

i do love you .

E.T

E.T
E.T
E.T
E.T
E.T
E.T
can i have you ?

alone .

semakin hari aku semakin dilupakan . ini ke yang dipanggil sebagai KEHIDUPAN ? grr

suck .

There are days, in my life was filled with emptiness
My heart leaked from pain and washed away with sorrows
When I was young, I did not get what I want in my life
At times I was alone and felt with madness
and my tears dropped and were wet into my pillow.
My life had no stairs or ladder to climb up
nor sailed smoothly to the destinations
My life was hopeless and helpless like a man without liver
Life, without life is nothing but shattered dreams
At night, moonlight brightens me across the window
but no one close enough to hug or care for my feelings
Nothing can be done and I have to live with my destiny of life
I watched others who had everything in their life
but it did not bring me jealousy other's than lost in my life
Even a smile on my face was far away from me
Happiness kept me away and darkness hugged me closely
So many broken promises have played deep in my life
and the outcome results was made me to! feel so terrible
They say " You can live the life you were born to live"
But what can I do when I was born there is no life in store for me
Today, what I have learnt is accept your life and
live with it without counting the hatches for nothing

S to da P to da M .

• success is meaningless without a struggle
  , and a struggle isn't sweet without a sacrifice
  .
• all those who succeed do no realize that sucess is just around the corner when you are thinking about giving up .
• the price of success is much lower than the price of failed .
• i've got to say 'no' to the good , so i can say 'yes' to the best .
• you get the best out of other when you give the best of yourself .
• success occurs when opportunity meets preparation .

SPM 8A , PLEASE !

moon .

I wanna go away to the moon
it seems so nice there
isolated from others not hearing a tune
i wish i was there
I wouldnt have to deal with those ppl
those ppl who make my life suck
those b*tchy ppl
who always saID f*ck
At least if i was at the moon
no one would be there to judge me
i could just spend an afternoon
with just me
If only i could just fly
then id fly to the moon
and no one would b able to fly
like me... to the moon I need to go there soon
I am gonna go
go to the thing in the sky
im gonna go
and and i promise i wont be shy
im gonna go and never come back
because coming back is wack
im gonna stay at the moon forever
never come back, never
good bye
im leaving soon
im gonna go high
high enough to go..
TO THE MOON

receive a letter from trans air :)

mengatakan bahawa anda terpilih menyertai kursus penerbangan yang kami adakan . sememangnya ada telah menunjukkan minat yang begitu tinggi terhadap kerjaya ini . bukan semua terpilih . apabila borang pendafataran kursus anda kami terima , maka anda layak hadir kelas pertama . sila hadir kelas berhampiran dengan anda .

thanks teacher shanty .
i appreciate it .

Mengejar cita-cita ke Dubai .

Someday everyone will change
in the future.

Everyone will be saying
am I going to look and act the same in the future?

People will be more stronger
in the future than they were in the past

People are always saying and thinking
where is life going to take me in the future.

Will my future be like the past?

Will I still see my old friends?

God knows where our future
is going to take us, becuase he created the world


selamat tinggal dunia .
aku kena tinggalkan semua benda untuk meneruskan cita-cita ku untuk ke Dubai .

Liar .

You told me you would be there
You told me you would never lie
You told me things were going to be fair
You told we would never die

You told me we were forever
and you whispered in my ear
We would always be together
There was nothing I should fear

You told me I was the key to your heart
Even when I cried at night
You told me we were one from the start
When we both knew things were never right

you told me I was your sunshine ,
Never letting you sleep.
But when you mentioned that one boy ,
my heart couldn't do anything but weep

I went through so much depression
Because of what you put me through
But now I learned my lesson,
to watch out for people like you

girl .
hold your words please .

stress

girl always make me sick . come onnn ! i need some space bbe . kenapa aku mesti tipu diri sendiri semata-mata nak buat korg happy ? arghh .

-.-

aku yg salah , atau dorg yg terlalu baik ? call aku semata2 nak cerita bnd yg dah lepas dlm hidup aku ? hye guys , aku dah takde apa2 dgn dia la . come on , semua org dah tahu aku dah putus dgn dia . so why MUST kau call aku ckp kau jumpa dia ? call la mak dia . tanya mak dia apa anak dia buat kat pavilion tu . bila kau dah call aku , mesti la aku flash back memori aku dgn dia . then kau pulak marah2 aku . apa yg sebenarnya kau nak katakan ? apa motif sebenar kau ? sumpah aku tak paham . sorry kalau kau terasa , cuma ini apa yg aku rasakan .

kononnya sampai mati

malam itu aku cuba menelefon lagi ,
punat hijau ditekan , “hello” kedengaran suara , malangnya suara perempuan . aku meminta untuk berbicara dengan kawan lelakiku itu , dengan suara yang sedikit keras , dia tidak membenarkan aku berbicara , aku memujuk, namun tak berhasil , dia juga berkata, “dia dah taknak cakap dengan awak" aku bertanya, “siapa ni?” dia menjawab, “awek dia” “okay, terima kasih” aku membalas perlahan . hey, aku ingin bertanya! inikah persahabatan ? kononnya kawan sampai mati , kau banyak berjanji , janji itu dan ini , tetapi berakhir begini , BODOH! kau punya teman istimewa , kau fikir kau sudah hebat ? meninggalkan aku di belakang , padahal aku yang sering dihubungi . kau ada masalah , siapa yang membantu kau? kau sunyi , siapa yang menemani kau?
siapa ?! . kau mahu tahu hatiku menjerit apa?
“FUCK KAU!”
aku menyesal berkawan dengan kau,
lebih baik tidak punya kawan,
sekiranya punya kawan macam kau!

dasar manusia !

aku pelik

kenapa kau masih lagi cinta?

sedangkan kau tahu kau takkan dapat punya

aku hairan

kenapa kau masih lagi suka

sedangkan kau tahu dia tak suka

sebab kau rasa ini cinta?

dasar manusia!

sedarlah kau

cinta kita hanya didunia

seharusnya kau mencari cinta-Nya

bila ada yang baru, yang lama ditinggalkan

celaka!
kau kawan tak guna,
dan juga lelaki tak guna,

berapa lama kita bersahabat baik,
kau tinggalkan aku sendirian,
mungkin kerana perempuan itu,
perempuan yang baru kau kenal,

iya, perempuan itu bagus,
iya, perempuan itu popular,
iya, perempuan itu moden,
iya, perempuan itulah segalanya,
dan aku sebaliknya,

handphone kau berdering,
tetapi kau tidak menjawabnya,
kerana aku yang menelefon kan?
biar 10 kali pun ia berdering,
kau bukan saja tidak menjawab,
malah menekan punat merah,
mesej pun begitu,
tiada balasan daripada kau,

setiap malam aku berfikir,
apa salah aku?
apa silap aku?
apa?!

sudah seminggu hal ini berlaku,
aku tidak mengharapkan kau lagi,
lantak kau! suka hati kau!
kawan baru kau jauh lebih hebat,
aku hanya budak bodoh,
sahabat yang bodoh.

semua nya untuk kau ~

Kau ajarkan aku sesuatu
Namanya kasih…
Kau ajarkan aku sesuatu
Namanya sayang…
Kau ajarkan aku sesuatu
Namanya cinta…

Aku tersenyum
aku riang
aku bahagia…

Lantas kau hadiahkan aku rindu
Hadiahkan aku hilang
Hadiahkan aku sepi
Dan hadiahkan aku buntu…

Satu pagi, aku bangkit
Sujud pada yang Esa
Memohon sesuatu
Kau untukku atau kebahagian untukmu
Aku gagahkan hatiku, cekalkan jiwaku
Bersedia untuk menerima segala kebarangkalian
Menjadikan diriku tidak takut lagi
Untuk hidup sendiri dan tak punya sapa-sapa pun
Seumur hidupku…

Dan satu ketika akhirnya
kau tunjukkan aku sesuatu
Yang namanya tamat…
Kau tunjukkan aku sesuatu
Yang namanya pisah…
Kau tunjukkan aku sesuatu
Yang namanya pergi…
Dan kau tunjukkan aku sesuatu
Yang namanya kalah…

Aku kalah…
Kalah pada lelaki baru itu
Kukagumi dia…
Yang mampu membuat kau tergugat…
Alhamdulillah, Allah mengkabulkan doaku
Maka takdir memilih untuk kau bahagia
Bukan salah sapa-sapa
Kerana kau hanya mengikut
Naluri perempuanmu…

Terima kasih atas hadiahmu
berapa lamanya telah kunantikan
Hadiahmu membuatkan aku puas
Aku menangis penuh lega
Hadiahmu itu telah membawa aku pergi
Pergi dari pusara buntu
Pergi dari pusara rindu
Kini aku tidak perlu lagi
Menjadi hati yang setia
Legalah rasanya….
Kini kutahu
Apapun yang terjadi
Bukan salah sapa-sapa
Kita tidak akan pernah bermusuhan
Kerana ini suratan takdirnya…

Semua bahagia yang aku impikan
akanku hadiahkan dalam doaku
untukmu dan dia
Terima kasih kerana menjadi yang terakhir…
Aku sayang kamu,
maka aku mau lihat kamu bahagia…
Untuk Selamanya…

22th july 2009~

stronger

I wish i was strong . and able to hold back the tears , but i'm not and i can't . i wish that it didn't bother me when they looked at me that way but it does . i wish they didn't think they were better than me or you but unfortunately they do , i wish that i didn't hate my life so much and that there nothing worth living for but i do and its true , but i decided to be as strong as i can . cause I'm in love with you cause your what keeps me going and looking forward to each day, your the only thing i live for, and i love you more than words can say . so as long as your with me I'll hold on..

Sampai bila .

Sampai bila sayang?

Sampai bila kau mendendam?

Sampai aku rebah menyujud bumi?

Sampai nafas ini terhenti disini?

manusia tidak lari pada kesalahan

aku tau aku berdosa

tapi ia bukan niat menyeksa atau sebaliknya

itu tahap cinta atas kamu sayang

aku lakukan segalanya, demi lihat kau bahagia

jauh dari ingatan berduka

aku juga lupakan konflik semalam

yang sentiasa meracuni benak mu

sedangkan nabi juga ampunkan umatnya

inikah aku, orang yang paling kau cinta

renungkanlah sayang

kata-kata ini bukan aku tujukan untuk mereka

tetapi untuk kau yang membaca

jika terdapat luka , ingin ku sembuhkan

selagi masa berputar

selagi itu aku tetap menunggumu

tiada apa yang boleh aku gembira

dan tiada siapa yang boleh membuat aku berduka

kecuali kau Sayang!

sampai bila harus aku menulis ?

mungkin sampai kau mengerti apakah erti kasih itu!

sampai datang ajal aku .

-aku harap kau maafkan aku … aku sayang kau -

move on !

my Boo, my darling, my dear,

it’s time to move on,

being alone, never did I fear.

Believe me when I say this,

I never wanted it to happen this way,

but for breaking my heart, you have to pay.

Let the truth be known,

your love for me was never shown.

I was foolish to ever think,

that the promise we made would be for life,

the promise that I would be your husband

and you would be my wife.

I gave you my mind, I gave you my heart,

wishing our love would never part.

I’m so sad to say that it has to end,

and no, forget it,

I’m tired of your excuses,

I’m tired of your lies,

I'm tired of your drama

now even your face I despise.

It’s time to move on and get on with my life,

to find myself another girl.

Someone to love me for who I am you see,

not for who they want me to be.

Someone to do the things you wouldn’t do,

someone else to call my Boo

love .

Have you ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry Have you ever needed something so bad You can't sleep at night Have you ever tried to find the words But they don't come out right Have you ever, have you ever Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad You'd do anything to make them understand Have you ever had someone steal your heart away You'd give anything to make them feel the same Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart But you don't know what to say And you don't know where to start Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all of your life Just about anything to look into their eyes Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to Only to find that one won't give their heart to you Have you ever closed your eyes and Dreamed that they were there And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby What do I gotta say to get your heart To make you understand how I need you next to me Gotta get you in my world 'Coz baby I can't sleep

i'm speechless

sad.crying.meaningless.heartless
leave me alone for a while

Jealousy .

whoa , jealousy coming over me .
it's that jealousy , breaking my heart .
whoa , jealousy coming over me .
whoa , jealousy taking control of me.